


Words Can’t Bring Us Down

by carnivalinsidemyhead



Series: We Are Beautiful [4]
Category: Take That
Genre: Character sketches, Friendship, Love, overcoming self doubt and insecurity, the beginnings of hope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28438788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carnivalinsidemyhead/pseuds/carnivalinsidemyhead
Summary: The comeback. Everyone is starting to slowly believe in themselves again.
Series: We Are Beautiful [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2034649
Kudos: 9





	1. Been Lying Down For Ten Long Years

“Fuck yes!” 

Does he want to get the band back together for a reunion tour?

The question was barely past Mark’s lips when Howard jumped in with his answer.

He worried for a moment if they'd think him desperate. But fuck it. He is desperate.

From the grin spreading across Mark’s face at his response, he needn’t have worried.

He has worried though, they all have, these past couple of months of putting the tour together.

Were they too old? Would anyone come? Could they still put on a good show? Would they just end up a joke? Should they have left well enough alone?

Jason’s anxieties are creeping into his soul just like they did back in the day, the two of them feeding off each other.

And yet, along with the anxieties there is also the love between the two of them that overrides the worry, that is stronger than the self doubts.

The love that wraps his arms around Howard when he gets overwhelmed at their first press conference in a decade and lets him cry on his shoulder.

The moment they step on stage for the first time in ten years is a magical one.

But it’s not nearly as magical to him as the moment he finally feels Jason’s arms around him again.


	2. You’re All That Matters To Me

Robbie can’t describe how he felt the first time he heard Shine. He’s incredibly touched, of course, but not that surprised that Mark would show such an outpouring of love for him- though he doesn’t feel like he deserves it, but it’s that it’s not just Mark. It’s all of them. It’s Howard. And Jason. And Gaz.

Gaz.

Fuck, he hasn’t thought of Gary as Gaz in ages. Thought of him with anything remotely approaching affection.

He’s still got a lot of pent up anger in him but the venom of it has worn down with time. He just needs closure now.

He’s been thinking that would never come, but with the other boys being back together, he’s started cautiously communicating with them.

He’s still not ready to see them in person. And he’s still mostly talking to Mark.

But just knowing that they don’t despise him- that they must not otherwise they’d never have agreed to sing that song with Mark- that Gaz doesn’t despise him despite everything he’s said and done is more of a relief than he thought possible to feel.

He’s the biggest pop star in the world but the only people he really wants to matter to are his four brothers.


	3. So While I’m Still Healing

He’s absolutely shit scared of opening up his mouth and singing again.

Of getting on stage again.

And yet at the same time he’s so hungry for it it almost scares him.

He doesn’t think he could do this tour if Dawn hadn’t agreed to sign on as a dancer.

Fuck it, he knows he couldn’t. He hasn’t got a real relationship with the others anymore, not really, not yet. It will come again, he hopes- it is coming, but he’s not at a point where he feels like he can be vulnerable with them yet.

But Dawn will look out for him. Just knowing she’ll be there on stage with him is enough to get him through. 

He’s realizing as he slowly gets to know his old band mates again that he never knew how to be a real friend when he was younger. That none of them did, really, but he might have been the worst of the lot because he was so consumed in his own ambitions that he wasn’t really interested in anyone but himself.

And as he's getting back into the groove of being a performer again, he’s also slowly getting into the groove of genuinely being a friend for the first time.

It’s slow and it’s awkward and he’s grateful he has Dawn to lean on but he’s making progress.

And he’s glad everyone has patience with him. About everything.


	4. I Find Myself Back Here Again

When Jonathan had first approached him with the idea of reuniting the band, he had nearly laughed in his face.

He hadn’t spent the last ten years fighting tooth and nail to establish himself as a respected singer songwriter to go back to being “cute little Markie.”

But then Jonathan told him how much money there would be.

And well, what could one tour hurt?

The tour had exceeded all their expectations. To the point of talking about reforming permanently.

But if that was going to happen, he was going to have to lay down some ground rules.

Because it was not going to be Gary’s band this time. And it was not going to be his band either- his sense of self worth and artistic confidence might have gotten stronger despite the setbacks but it wasn’t *that* strong.

It was going to be *their* band. All of them. Equally. 

Maybe this way, they wouldn’t fall apart.

Maybe this way, no one else would abandon them.

Maybe this way, he could finally get his songs heard by a decent sized audience.

Was he selling out? Probably.

Would most people probably think Gary wrote his songs? Undoubtedly.

Was it going to be worth it?

He thought of the rush of thousands of fans cheering like he hadn’t heard since the nineties. Of feeling loved and treasured like he hadn’t since the nineties- barring that brief moment with Big Brother.

But mostly he thought of how the loneliness that was so deeply ingrained in him he didn’t even realize it was there until it suddenly wasn’t vanished when he was with the other three.

How he felt lighter and happier than he had in ages when he was with them.

And he was fucked if he was giving up the chance for all of them to start again.


	5. Who Knows How Long This Will Last

A boy band whose members are collectively pushing 40 is bloody ridiculous, he thought.

It’s never going to work, he insisted. We’re going to be the laughingstock of Britain.

Yet, here he is somehow, spinning on his head in front of thousands again and, incredibly, writing songs??

He’s still not comfortable taking credit and getting songwriting royalties. Still doesn’t feel like he’s contributing enough for that.

He’s just come up with a few lyrics and made a couple suggestions.

But maybe he’ll do more on the next record.

The next record.

Fuck.

He can’t believe that’s a thing that’s going to happen.

Can’t believe he can think of the band now with joy instead of dread in the pit of his stomach.

He’s still shit scared all the time. Going on stage. Doing interviews. Singing his first solo number ever.

The fear in him never quite goes away permanently.

But now there’s always someone there to give him an understanding smile and a squeeze of the hand or a hug when he gets a bit wobbly.

There’s a warmth that was there when they were young but it’s better now because they all understand each other now.

He doesn’t know how long the fame will last. But he knows the love always will.


End file.
